The Compassionate One
An ailing woman who slipped a Secret Service cordon to touch the hem of President Barack Obama’s trousers before yesterday’s health care townhall meeting in New Hampshire has received a full pardon from the president, the White House said today.
Secret Service agents took the unnamed Granite State resident into custody after her fingertips grazed the fringe of Mr. Obama’s left pant, in what she later said was an attempt to get care for a chronic blood discharge she has suffered for 12 years, but for which she has failed to seek treatment due to worries that emergency room staff would frown on her lack of insurance coverage.
“I know that anyone who walks into an E.R. in the U.S. will get treatment,” she said. “But the specter of facing questions about my immigration status, or my income terrified me more than the persistent flow of blood which has plagued me, lo, these many years.”
The woman said she believes the president “can do things no mere mortal can do, like create a health care system that covers 47 million more people without adding a dime to the federal deficit and without rationing care.”
White House sources said the president was unharmed, “although he didn’t see the woman, he was aware that power had gone out from him.”
Hallelujah!